My first loveπŸ’œπŸ’™

It’s very hard for me to explain how much my life changed when my first daughter was born. It’s a story I keep close to my heart. My life has not always been perfect. Ive made horrible mistakes and learned how to do things the hardest way possible.  Back then I was too young to be faced with what I was going through. I had little to no faith in my ability to be a mother. I was in a very inappropriate relationship with an older man and my life was not headed in the right direction. 

The day I found out I was pregnant is a day I’ll never forget.  I can’t tell you the amount of emotions and feelings I was going through cause there were so many. Without getting into all the details, my pregnancy , let’s just say had it’s ups and downs. The day I went into labor was the scariest day of my life. I was 19. I had no idea what I was doing. It was terrifying. The thought of bringing a child into the situation I was in was too much to bear. My guilt affected me after I brought her home too. I didn’t know how to love this tiny creature but I knew I loved herπŸ’œ

I made a tough grown up desicion that changed our lives. I took my daughter and me out of our situation and promised myself that no matter what, my love for my daughter was stronger then I ever imagined and I was going to make it my mission in life to do everything I could to be the best mom I could be to her.

Once I was free of the hatred and control in my life I was able to see my daughter in a completely different light. She had this look in her eyes. It’s as if she was looking in to my soul. We had an instant connection. I felt it everytime she looked at me. We did everything together. Don’t get me wrong we went through some hard times. We had people in our lives that were trying to tear us apart and subject us to humiliation but it only made our bond stronger. As much as we had the negative we had the positive too. I have a very close bunch of friends and family that have helped us and supported us and without them I’m sure our journey would have taken much longer.  We have gone through everything together . We have moved more times than I can count. She’s had to change schools way too much. We have had to cut people from our lives. She also had to deal with the bad boyfriends and choices I made as well as having a baby sister and my averted attention. But even going through what we did we have maintained a great relationship. She is the light in my life. She gave me the courage to believe in love. She has loved me through everything and because of that I now have a daughter who is so smart. She is so kind and loving. She is an old soul. She carries her heart on her sleeve…..but in a good way❀ she cares deeply for everyone in her life and the love she has in her heart rivals anything I’ve ever felt. I dont know where I  would be in life right now if it wasn’t for her love and the strength it gave me. I really didnt know what love was until I met her. She is my true first love. A love I could give that was unending. That was true. Her love gave me the strength to be a mom all over again. Once I had my second daughter I knew exactly how to love her. People say it’s the same kind of love when you have a second child….and it is to me, but I do have to give my first born credit because without her I would not have been able to love my second the same. They are both the loves of my life. Nothing will ever compare to the love a mother has for her children. There are just those special moments or bonds that make being a mother the greatest job in the world. It’s also the hardest job. My girls are now 15 and 8 and they keep me busy and on my toes but everyday I look at them and it amazes me the beauty and grace and love they give me.  

My choices in life have not always been the greatest and I am not a saint by any stretch of the word but God gave me these wonderful children for a reason. They are walking angels in my life everyday. ❀❀ 

Never underestimate yourself….. everyone should know what true love feels like….i know I do πŸ’œπŸ’œ

 

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